Monday, August 26, 2013

Baby Jacob Reflections: On Baptism, faith, family & friends



This past Saturday may go down in my memory as one of the most awesome days in my life.

Before Kelli and I undertook the sacred vows of the Sacrament of Marriage we were asked "Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"

We said yes and three years later God let us know we'd be given the opportunity to follow through on that. As you all know by now it was July 23, 2013 that we lovingly accepted Jacob Michael Stegeman into this world, but it was August 24 that we accepted him, in the presence of our family, friends and faith community, into the Church.

With a beautiful ceremony, held appropriately in the context of the Mass, and witnessed by everyone from Jacob's 8-month-old cousin Daniel to his two great grandmothers (one of whom is over 90) Jacob became a part of the faith that stretches back all through the ages.

In Jacob's name, we asked that he be baptized. Before proceeding we, and by extension our Godparent & Christian witness, were asked "In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training him in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him up to keep God's commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?"

In so much as we can understand such a massive task, we said we do.

Everything from the profession of faith by renewing our own baptismal vows to the clothing in his white garment to the anointing with holy chrism, was just beautiful, but more than that, it was supernatural. On August 24, our son became a new creation, claimed for Christ and we, as parents, are charged to live our vocation by raising him up for God.

I'm rambling, sorry. What I'm getting to is this.

This is a fallen world. Sin and death abound. A culture of death constantly attacks the culture of life and truth must often take a back seat to personal whims. In a culture like this, living that vocation seems impossible. It seems daunting to raise our son in this kind of world.

We know nothing is impossible with God, and after Jacob's baptism I felt even more strongly about just how God will help up in this case.

Our help, provided by him, will be the people standing around the font with us.

There were nearly 40 close relatives and friends there. There was Father Terry, our Godparent Karyn and Christian witness Cari. Kelli's parents, my parents, Jacob's great grandmas, Kelli's and my other siblings, cousins, aunts & uncles, friends, etc.

Past them was a packed church. A whole parish of people who we will meet and work and worship with over the years to come.

Symbolically, united with us there as well was the entire Church.

We are not alone in raising him. Jacob is not alone in being raised. He has a family in Kelli and I. A family in our extended relatives and friends, and a family in Christ's church. He has been marked with the indelible sign of the spirit that will remain with him forever.

I don't know how Kelli and I are going to raise him to be a strong, Catholic man in a world such as this. But I know the grace of God has been poured upon him and that is stronger than any worry.

Thank you so much to everyone who was a part of Jacob's big day. Thanks first to God, His Church, and Father Terry.

Thanks to my beautiful wife who was radiant and kept him calm all of Mass and who will no doubt be the backbone of his morality.

Thanks to our Godmother Karyn and Christian witness Cari, to Scott and Lynne for their help with the party, to Kelli's parents for making her the woman she is, to my parents for dealing with me and to everyone who came or prayed for us.

Thanks also to the St. Martin community for their tremendous welcome, and to the photographer who showed up so we'd have pictures we all can't wait to see.

Thanks everyone. Saturday was beautiful. With your help, and the grace of God, Jacob is hopefully in for a beautiful life.



Friday, August 16, 2013

On the persecution of Christians

Taking a break from the Baby Jacob posts for a moment I wanted to vent a little bit.

I often hear it said that Christians in the West are not persecuted or discriminated against. As an absolute, that statement fails like most absolute statements do, but I will grant that the U.S. government and associated secular culture does very little if anything to prevent the free exercise of my religion. Sure there's issues with the HHS Mandate, adoption laws etc., but by and large, we Christians still enjoy a majority status that keeps our actions tolerated for the most part.

But here's the thing, the U.S. is still kind of a newbie on the world stage. Christianity goes back 2,000 some years and in that time it's enjoyed periods of great peace, and great tribulation, in many countries. Look at the Church in Russia, it was a state religion, then it was suppressed. Stuff works in waves.

Many of us think of Mexico as deeply Catholic, but just in 1917 it was illegal in Mexico for the Church to teach. From Wikipedia, "The 1917 Constitution outlawed teaching by the Church, gave control over Church matters to the state, put all Church property at the disposal of the state, outlawed religious orders, outlawed foreign born priests, gave states the power to limit or eliminate priests in their territory, deprived priests of the right to vote or hold office, prohibited Catholic organizations which advocated public policy, prohibited religious publications from commenting on public policy, prohibited clergy from religious celebrations and from wearing clerical garb outside of a church and deprived citizens of the right to a trial for violations of these provisions."

Look at Egypt right now. More than 50 churches have been burned to the ground and Christians are being killed. For that matter look at the laws concerning Christians in most Muslim lands, they're harsh. 

In Europe, England specifically, where same-sex unions were recently legalized, the Church of England is facing litigation that is is discriminating against gays by not recognizing their unions.

Here in the U.S., we might have to pay for contraception. By comparison, our problem isn't that bad, sure. And I do not see a direct slippery slope situation that turns us into Mexico 1917, or Egypt now. I don't think it's a stretch that we could end up in England's shoes, but I digress.

The point is, when our religious freedoms are abridged, even slightly, it does open the door to more. Politically, that's just how the government works. When the U.S. government takes an inch, it doesn't give it back. 

This is not fear-mongering. I'm not saying we're all about to lose all our freedoms because of contraceptive mandates. 

I AM saying that our brothers and sisters in other lands face a real persecution with some facing risk to their lives, and they're still going to church and standing up for the faith. If they can do that in the face of those odds, surely we can all stand up here where our freedoms are still respected. 

Friday, August 9, 2013

Reflection 12: Ch, ch, ch, changes

So it's been three days or so since the last update. In that time, Jacob started eating again just fine, Kelli came down with mastitis, Grandma Riehle stayed the night while Kelli had a fever and I was at my wits end and I went back to work at Kings Island.

Grandma's stay meant a great night sleep for both mom and dad. She's our hero.

Things are going OK except that Jacob HATES going to bed. First time we put him down between 8-10, he just roars for at least 20 minutes, sometimes longer. There's nothing to be done. If he goes to long Kelli rocks him a bit, if not he will eventually fall asleep.

At the moment, he's screaming his head off again. In fact, it's been almost two hours since his last feeding and he's still roaring. We've checked on him, changed him and rocked him a couple times but still he roars. It USUALLY just happens for this one cycle and then he gets back on track, hopefully it continues.

So leaving for KI this morning was harder than I thought it would be. It was a little like after the honeymoon when I had to leave Kelli for the first time to go to work. I just really didn't want to go. Today was the same kind of thing as I kissed Jacob goodbye, then Kelli.

Once I  got to work, it was business as usual and it was nice to get into a little routine. Jacob is still unpredictable and loud, like every baby ever, but he's adorable and he's ours. We're just starting to learn that life can return in some ways to normal while in other ways it's changed forever. Right now, for example, we're watching Monk on TV, but since Jacob wouldn't stop wailing and its almost feeding time anyway, he's laying on Kelli's chest as I type this. I gotta go feed him soon.

So Kelli got the antibiotics she needs, I got some sleep, work will send a paycheck, and God willing Jacob will go to sleep soon.

Oh, and visitors. JC and Mary stopped by the other day when we took Jacob to the doctor.

Perhaps most excitingly, Mema Stegeman, Jacob's great grandma, got to visit Wednesday. With that moment, and the adorable photo now on facebook, the oldest and youngest people I know were in the same room. Jacob was so calm with her and Mema is still a natural. I'm so glad he got to meet her and I hope she sticks around long enough for him to remember her.

Wednesday night Grandma Riehle stayed over. Thursday Grandpa Riehle brought Arby's for lunch and Friday Nana Stegeman (my mom for those of you keeping track) came over with her friend Di to see the little guy. Nana brought some Graeters.

Anywho, that's the update. Peace out folks.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Reflection 11: No ideas

UPDATE: So when we got in touch with the doctor they said to bring Jacob in, and to hurry since the only open appointment slot had just begun. Again, Group Health for the win.

Dr. Maloney's assessment was that either A: Jacob wore himself out so bad last night he's just too tired to eat, or B: There was some issue with Kelli's stored breast milk. He advised us to go home, pump and give him the fresh stuff. He acknowledged the boy may have reflux but he's not sure yet. He also said to page him later after we try a couple more feedings.

We went home, Kelli pumped out 4.75 ounces and Jacob DOWNED 3.5 like it was nothing. Kelli decided to try a different bottle as well, which may have helped. I'm not willing to say everything is fine just yet, but the kid drank like a boss.

If he does it again next feeding and we call Maloney and he says no worries, I think I'll be just happy as can be with a fussy, angry, healthy baby.

--------------------------------------
Original Post:

So I'm at a loss.

Last night Jacob slept through his 7-10ish area cycle just fine, but after that didn't sleep for 10 consecutive minutes until about 6 a.m., and only then because I let him lay on my chest and I just held him.

Also during the night feedings he was a little terror, battling the bottle, but still eating. Then this morning, he refused the bottle entirely. On a whim, we decided to make a bottle of formula and try that. He ate 2.1 ounces of it. Usually lately he'd been eating about 3 ounces of breast milk each feeding.

Perhaps as a result of not sleeping, he's been a big sleeper today (parental napping has ensued) and when we woke him up for his last feeding (formula again since it worked before) he took down only about 1.7 ounces. After both feedings there was no wake time, just a brief fussy time then baby Jacob in a formula coma and down for the count til the next feeding.

We searched the internet high and low for answers with no luck.

Don't get me wrong, we love that he's sleeping a little bit now, but we can tell something's not all right since he'd been doing much better. We called his pediatrician but it's been several hours and we haven't heard back. Guess we'll try breast milk on the next feeding with formula as backup, unless doc responds with a better plan.

All I want is for this little guy to be ok. I moan and complain about the sleep and the diapers and the late-night feedings, but I really truly don't mind any of it if the kid seems to be thriving. When he is struggling, that makes everything harder. He's do for a feeding in a couple minutes, but Kelli's asleep and I'm going to let them both nap an extra 15 minutes so hopefully he'll get more hungry.

So barring a call from Dr. Maloney, we're at a total loss. We don't know what to feed him, whether we should let him sleep longer or shorter, whether he's sick or well, and whether he'll sleep at all tonight.

I may be returning to work at KI tomorrow for a brief 4 hour morning shift and I hate to leave Kelli to deal with him on her own, but I guess its a nice trial run for when I go back to the real job. Here's hoping Dr. Maloney calls soon and gives us some piece of mind.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Baby Jacob Reflection 10, or, Baby Jacob goes to Mass & other fun places

Friday's post wasn't really that positive, and many of these haven't been, but that's the mood of a new parents for you.

While the downers are all true the kid continues to grow and cause me to just express wonder at how someone so tiny can be that strong, poop that much, pee that far and inspire that much awe and love. I'm so happy to have a beautiful son.

So Friday wasn't all doom and gloom. We did get out of the house. We went to the Food Court at Northgate Mall. We were in public with the baby, and it went well. 

Saturday we had Lisa and Mike come by to take some photos of the little guy.(Need a photographer? Check them out here)  He was cooperative for a bit. Later he met great Aunt Mary Jo and Grandma Karen came over again. Grandma Karen is our hero, but more on that in a moment. 

Perhaps inspired by this or by the desire to not remain cooped up at home forever, Kelli decided today we should try taking Jacob with us to Mass.

We did it.

We walked to St. Martin of Tours and stroller and all managed to stuff into a pew and Jacob was a champ, hardly making a sound until communion. At that point Kelli just had to feed him and he was still pretty good. Usually though he gets a changing when he feeds, since he didn't....we he needed a change of clothes right after Mass and thank God for the changing table in the back of church in one of the rest rooms.

On the walk back we got lunch at Wendy's where Jacob got to meet Arnette, our favorite fast food industry worker. She's always behind the register with a smile and a kind word. We know her now because after Mass Kelli's mom will often take us to Wendy's for lunch and she's been asking Kelli about the baby to be as time's gone along. Jacob wasn't sure what to think of hanging out at Wendy's.

Later Sunday Papa Stegeman came by and saw Jacob for a bit.

The reason Grandma Karen is our hero is that about an hour from now...6 p.m., Sunday, August 4 2013, she will officially be baby Jacob's first babysitter. Kelli and I are going out on the town just the two of us. 

I mean when we get back we'll have to deal with nighttime Jacob, who is a pain, but at least we'll have some adult time first. 

Side note, I was hoping the Reds could win the world series in Jacob's birth year.... I've about given up on that.

Peace

Friday, August 2, 2013

10? But these go to 11 (Baby Jacob reflection No. 9)

So my baby boy is either 10 or 11 days old today (Friday, Aug. 2). I guess it depends on who you ask whether the day of the birth is day 0 or day No. 1....I digress.

Today was also a good day. Kelli and I are trying to remember the stuff we learned reading the book Becoming Babywise. If we do what that book says, as others we know have, we should have Jacob on a decent sleep schedule by the time he turns two months old.

He is very clearly NOT yet two months old. We do have a pattern established. He wakes, eats, gets changed, stays awake for a time (occasionally) and repeats. This allows for 2-3 periods of two hours of sleep a night, which I suppose could be far worse. We need to make sure we start the day at the same time each morning where so far, if he's been asleep, we stay asleep as long as we can.

Kelli continues to be a trooper. Not only is she is a new mom dealing with all that, but she has a husband who is on the edge of insanity half the time and she keeps me grounded and doesn't let that send her off the rails. I think its fair to say she's had the usual baby blues but otherwise is doing pretty great.

As for Jacob, he's still eating well and Mommy's making plenty of milk which is great. He has some little blotches or rash marks all over but after looking at a pictorial guide on Babycenter I think it's harmless. At the moment, he continues his plan to make sure mommy and daddy can never go to bed.... We REALLY need to sleep during his daytime naps. Anywho...

Before I go into this next part, let me stress that today was a good day. He had some great wake time/play time, good tummy time and some other random oversleeping times but generally today was really good. This next bit is more just a cumulative reflection..

See here's why I'm so crazy. I deal with stress pretty well. I handle a crisis pretty well. All told, unpleasant moments are often my time to shine....but there's a reason for that....They all end. When those moments end, I decompress.

This doesn't end. This is constant baby crying, changing, baby crying, feeding, baby crying, changing, daddy crying, baby crying, mommy crying madness for the foreseeable future.

Other parents. How the hell do you deal with that? I get it, we have no choice. We're parents and in our self-sacrificial love we just deal with it.... I know that, and I intend to deal with it, but how do you do so without complete mental, physical and emotional collapse? I'm not there yet, but I can't imagine I'm strong enough to go on like this forever without a break.

And again, I know my suffering is minor all told. He's a pretty healthy kid and DOES sleep sometimes. He could be so much worse. I do love the little scamp, but mommy and daddy are humans after all.

Last night to get him back to sleep after a feeding we had to have family sing along hour where kelli and I took turns singing and rocking him until he FINALLY went down. He's been up since 8:30 now (it is 10:11) and he just keeps screaming when we put him down. Kelli's trying the singing rocking approach now. I pray it works.

Eventually I have to go back to work, and I plan on doing my part to help with the little guy. But if my inability to speak or use proper spelling and grammar in these blogs is any indication, I'm going to have to find time for more rest. Mom needs rest too. She doesn't get to go to work and take 8 hours off from being a parent. I'm not sure how we'll make all that work yet, but we will.

We were open to God's gift of a child, and we're open to his grace and will in our lives to raise that child. God, please, please, please give us the strength to do so.

Good night all... we'll leave the light on for you.... we won't be sleeping anyway.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Baby Jacob reflection 8: On on the 8th day...

On the seventh day, God rested. On the 8th, he got back to work. Having a baby means no metaphorical seventh day for us. A good night sleep now means three stretches of two hours, but alas Jacob seems to be growing well. 

My unofficial measurement has him a half inch longer than he was at birth. He's looking around a lot. He's taking it all in. He's doing a great job of sleeping through the day when all the visitors are here, but he may be planning a career as Batman because night time is his active time. 

Mom and dad love the visitors but maybe we should accept a few less folks and instead we could sleep in the afternoon. Speaking of our lack of sleep, the only doctor's appointment in the family today was me. I've been fighting a stupid infection for more than a month but it keeps happening so I'm off to an ENT for a followup. So that's exciting. Good news is that baby Jacob and mommy are doing great.

Today's visitors included Grandma Riehle, Grandpa Riehle who brought KFC for dinner and Nana Stegeman who helped calm the little guy during his night time wake cycle. I'm so glad all four of his grandparents are such naturals.

Some old saying from their era was "It takes a village to raise a child" and connotations aside, that's somewhat true. The love and support of our friends, family and a church group full of future friends have been invaluable. I can feel the prayers of everyone helping my stress levels.

On the milk front, we didn't contact the experts yet. That option is still open, but Kelli kept up with production pretty well today. Pray for her stress reduction as well. 

Anywho I'm exhausted but won't be sleeping since Jacob's playing Batman.

I found this while googling patron saint of baby sleep. I guess its St. Peter Damien, who had insomnia. No idea who wrote it, but I found it on Catholic Answers forums.

Dearest St. Peter, put my baby to sleep. His eyes are tired, and we don't want him to weep. He needs to be awake for tomorrow is a new day, and our dear baby will want to go out and play. Give him some rest and give him some peace, so tomorrow he can enjoy life with ease!

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Baby Jacob 7: The typical atypical day

So day 8 of life for Jacob didn't involve any trips to the doctor. In fact he had his first trip out of the house that wasn't for a doctor visit.

I think it was a good day for all today. Last night we all got a little sleep as Jacob spent his first night in our bedroom in his pack-n-play. I think maybe Jacob got too much rest though because he's had very little interest in sleeping today. He slept some in the morning, some in the afternoon, but come evening and night he's not having it. After his last feeding he never did go all the way to sleep, and now after his late night feeding he's still fussing and Kelli's trying to rock him to bed with no luck so far. I'll take over after this blog.

Today's other visitors were Aunt Allison, cousin Anna, Grandma Riehle and her friend Linda. Emily Braun, a member of our church group who we'd never met before today, brought a dinner of Italian beef and peppers and it was really, really good.

Jacob and Mommy rode along as Daddy went by his childhood home to take out the garbage one last time as Papa and Nana now live on the east side. We got a photo of Jacob and daddy on the front steps. Was nice.

There Jacob got to meet Jeff, his son Aiden and his girlfriend Jena. After that we went on a family trip to Kroger for a few things and back home.

My anxiety has been a roller coaster today. Jacob's been off and on fussy like a newborn will be, and momma's nerves have been frazzled by an apparent drop in milk production. As I think I've said before, we're not breastfeeding anymore since the kid was having none of it and wasn't getting enough.

Instead Kelli's been pumping and we're giving him that with a bottle. The last couple days her production has dropped and his appetite has increased a little bit and that's stressing her out a lot. We're still staying ahead, but usually only by one serving. She could use some prayers folks (and as always, so could daddy). I told her there's a long way to go between where we are now and giving up on breast milk. We haven't even talked to the experts yet, so that's the plan for tomorrow. Call the experts.

Speaking of experts, I might call the doc tomorrow just to check something. I think Jacob has a little reflux, he has all the symptoms. For many babies, it's not a big deal and they learn to deal, but if it keeps affecting his and our sleep, we need to look into it.

So all told I think today was a typical new parent kind of day. Stressful, but normal perhaps. Jacob seemed fine, but fussy. Mom had her stress out moments and Dad's anxiety had its peaks and valleys.

Here's to another day in paradise tomorrow. Keep praying for us, and thanks.

Baby Jacob Reflection 6: How I learned to stop worrying and love the cry

So the title is a bit of a lie. I still worry. I worry a lot. Too much most likely. But I no longer mind Jacob's banshee-like screams and fits. He can fuss all damn day.

The reason I say that is because on Tuesday we had to rush the little scamp to the doctor. For about 8 hours, he was nearly non-responsive. I say nearly because he could do encouraging things like take a bottle, but then he wouldn't get upset at his diaper change and nothing we did could seem to rouse him. It only got worse for about an hour before we went to the doctor.

I was panicked, but Momma was cool as ice. On the way we switched roles as she got more and more worried and I took over the comforter role. We told Jacob that if he wouldn't mind, he was welcome to make mommy and daddy look bad by waking up before we even saw the doctor, and lo and behold, that's what he did.

In the Group Health waiting room I told the receptionist we were panicked new parents and asked for a nurse to come see him to make sure we didn't need to rush to the hospital or something. We were early and they took us right back with an experienced nurse taking over. As we undressed him, something clicked, and he was back. He yelled at us, pooped, peed, yelled some more and squirmed like he does. We cried with joy.

From then on the appointment was a blessing. It counts as his one week appointment and he was back up to his birth weight of 7 pounds 4 ounces. The doctor, a younger woman named Dr. Brinker, spent far more time with us than we deserved. She said we did the right thing to bring him in. The reasons for his behavior are less than clear. She said he's still a tiny bit jaundiced which can cause some fatigue, or perhaps his sleep cycles got weird.

While we in there he went through 4 or 5 diapers....so that may have had something to do with it. But his weight was good, lungs and heart and all that seem good. Still....we were terrified and for a brief minute forced to think some unpleasant thoughts.

My sister Karyn brought dinner later on Tuesday, and we decided to call in Kelli's mom (Karen, not to be confused with Karyn) to help us out. We needed a stabilizing hand of an experienced mom and Karen lives nearby, is retired, and certainly loves to be available so we had her join us for dinner. She watched the little guy while Kelli and I got to spend 10-20 minutes just laying in bed talking.

At that point we decided we shouldn't keep her mom too late, so we brought the pack-n-play back into the bedroom, and we decided to try sleeping as a family. So far so good, but you might guess I'm typing this at 4 a.m. so it isn't perfect just yet.

The only other bump at the moment is milk supply. Kelli's doing everything right, but the last few pumps have dwindled a bit and Jacob's of course still a hungry, growing boy. Dr. Brinkley raised no issue with being exclusively a pump-and-bottle feeding family, so we'll go online tomorrow and see what we can learn.

Since we left the Doc Jacob's been back to his usual fighting, screaming, crying self. After seeing him completely silent for 8 hours, as far as I'm concerned he can cry as much as he wants.

Other visitors today included my sister Mary and her boyfriend J.C. Great seeing them and Mary was a help preparing lunch and making some unrelated phone calls for me while Kelli and I debated taking Jacob to the doctor. I'm so glad we did.

The calls Mary was making was checking schedules concerning the boy's pending baptism. It will be at St. Martin of Tours in Cheviot, but I don't know for sure when. We're looking at Saturday, the 24th of August, at the 5 p.m. Mass but I haven't been able to reach the DRE who handles that. Moments like we had today remind me that I don't wanna wait a day longer than I need to for this sacrament.

In a couple hours Jacob will be 8 days old. He's starting to open his eyes a lot more and it looks like he's looking at things now, not just through them. He's starting to have more wake times after feedings (more at night sadly) and he's as strong as ever. We started tummy time today with limited success, but he did lift his head a few times before getting annoyed at us.

I've asked our church group to pray for my (and Kelli's though she's doing better than me) anxiety during this new experience of parenthood, and I'd ask any believer reading this to please pray for them as well. One family has three kids and one has stomach flu and they can use some prayers too.

On a personal note, I'm hopeful I can join an outing of the men in the group on Friday, but that depends on Jacob.

I think if we can just have a week or so of no problems....or at least no serious problems necessitating doc visits, I can start to settle in. Just think how spastic I'd be with a truly sick baby.....sheesh.

For now though, prayers for the intercession of the Blessed Mother and St. Gerard and constant petitions to God are getting me through, along with the incredible poise of my wife.

Mary, mother of God, pray for us as new parents. St. Gerard, patron of new parents, pray for us. Friends and family reading this blog, pray for us too. Things really do seem to be ok, but I don't think I'll ever stop stressing and there's no such thing as too many prayers.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Baby Jacob Reflection 5: No title

We're all pooped. All of us except Jacob that is.

The little guy skipped a couple sleep cycles making Kelli's shift watching him a challenge. We reintroduced the breast today and he did pretty good. Still I don't think he got a ton of food so Kelli made the smart call to give him a bottle around 11:30 and now he seems to be resting.

He made some real progress today towards getting back to breastfeeding and mommy gets all the credit. Gonna stick with bottles tonight to make things easy.

Today involved a little doctor's trip for Kelli and she had some splitting headaches. She's ok, they just wanted to check her out. Doc said she needs food and sleep....no small task about now on the sleep part. While at the doctor, Aunt Rachel and Uncle Matt came down to take care of Jacob so daddy could focus on taking care of mommy.

Aunt Cari and the kids were going to come down but it was a rough morning. Jacob will meet his big cousins soon.

I say again, Rachel is a natural, and Matt's pretty good with a kid too. Not only did they take care of him but Rachel folded the laundry, did the dishes and even made our bed. Can't thank them enough.

Later Uncle Scott and Aunt Lynne came by and bought us dinner and brought us some snacks that are already being much appreciated.

We love having company folks. It reminds us the outside world is still there, and I think it distracts us from the stress of parenting. Feel free to visit, just call first.

As for us, the hormones and stress still get to Kelli and the stress still gets to me. Right now, for example, I'm gripped by unreasonable terror. Jacob's sound asleep for the moment, but every time he moves I feel like I want to throw up....not sure why I'm such a spaz lately, but its sure not fun.

Got to hold him as he fell asleep tonight though, and that made up for it a bit.

What I'd really like is for someone good with him to stay the night sometime, and let us get just one night of uninterupted sleep. We haven't shared the same bed since Jacob came home and that's a little stressful for a couple like us that was attached at the hip.

Anyway. Gonna wrap this blog up now. Say a prayer that he sleeps for a few hours, and another that I don't go insane. We appreciate all the support and Lord knows we need it.


Sunday, July 28, 2013

Baby Jacob reflection 4: The new normal?

My friends with kids are mostly great. Most of them are good folk who express solidarity with my concerns and tell me everything's going to be fine and that the little guy's fine etc. Some of them suck, however, and like to do the "You think its bad now" game.

That's not helpful.

Anyway, my dad was just here a minute ago. Having raised four kids, I knew he'd have good advice. I told him I'm just terrified all the time. Every little sneeze or sound makes me nervous, even if I know in my mind Jacob is fine.

His advice?

Trust his mother.

Spot on. Kelli has the maternal instinct down pat. For my part, I'm getting better. I love the guy but I'd  be more comfortable to go hunt some mastodon or defeat a warring tribe to provide for his future than I would feed him and change his diaper. That said, I fed him yesterday and today with a bottle and I loved it.

Today I even totally changed my first wet and dirty diaper with no assistance from Kelli. So far I'd tried, but she'd always need to help.

I can't help but wonder if I'll ever relax again. I know I will. My good friends, Kelli and my family told me so. I know one day I'll be able to just sit and watch a tv show and not spaz out when my son wiggles in his crib. That day is not today.

I have to be honest too that my leave from work seemed long in theory. Three weeks away from The CT seemed like an eternity. With one week of leave in the books, it now seems not long enough. I don't want to leave the little guy, and more importantly I don't wanna mommy to be stuck on her own for 8 hours a day. But alas, we got bills and I got a job.

Speaking of me spazzing out. Jacob can nearly roll over... That's weird right? I mean he can go from his back to his side while still in a swaddle. I thought it took months for that. He can also lift his head real well and look around, another later life milestone I thought. I'm hoping the kid's just ahead of the curve.

Today's visitors were Grandpa Riehle, Uncle Greg, Great Aunt Kathy and Uncle Rick and Papa Stegeman. Thanks all of you for stopping by, for the meals, the gifts and the presence of family.

The other thing I'm noticing is a new normal as it pertains to time. When the little guy is sleeping or fussing, every second seems a minute, every minute seems an hour. I'm sure I'll adjust.

What else, what else. He's still going strong on eating, pooping and peeing like a champ. All signs show him to be a cute, healthy baby. We're going to try to get him back on the breast from the bottle tomorrow per the doctor's idea. Kelli tried to get him to go back to that today but no luck. If he can't figure it out tomorrow, we may look at a lactation consultant the Dr. recommended or a friend of my mom's.

Stop a second.

I just re-read all thing and I sound like a bit of a crybaby don't I? I need to keep reminding myself I'm not the first new parent, I'm not the first person to deal with a baby or to be stressed and nervous. Kelli does a great job of telling me that.

Having a baby certainly does bring about a new normal. Nights formerly filled with dinner and three hours of TV will likely be eating dinner at different times while changing diapers and praying for sleep. Relaxing moments on weekends with nothing to do are gone forever, replaced with nervous babywatching, feeding, changing, cuddling.

If it sounds like I lament all that, perhaps I do, but only for a moment. Then I look over at Jacob, sleeping soundly, and I think I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love that Kelli and I are now more than a couple. We're a family. Our love and openness to God's generosity has brought a new life into this world and there's no greater task than that.

Openness to God is how Jacob came to be, and trust in God is how I, a spastic first-time dad, plan to get through it.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Baby Reflections 3: A step in the right direction

So the kid went to the doctor today and to quote Kelli, it was the best $25 we ever spent.

At 9 a.m. today we went to see Dr. Wisenberger at Group Health. (*See below) It was rainy. We were exhausted, emotionally and mentally drained, and quite honestly expecting a trip to Children's hospital when Dr. Wisenberger came in.

He looked him over and asked some questions and said the words we all wanted to hear.

"He's completely healthy."

We both nearly cried, I think.

He wasn't getting enough milk because he was, get this, too hungry to eat well. So we were told to pump some milk and use a bottle. We got him home and low and behold, it worked. He ate plenty. Later while I napped Kelli changed two dirty diapers and later as I assisted with a third, the little scamp peed all over the damn place. I think that's the happiest I'll ever be to see my child urinate on himself.

He's sleeping ok, he's less fussy, and he looks a little less jaundiced I think. We called the doctor back later and he said all seems well and the jaundice is normal. He doesn't think it needs treatment. We're calling him again tomorrow just to check in.


What else. Jacob met great Aunt Debby and great uncle Jerry today and cousins Billy and Sara with their children Patrick and our goddaughter Teresa. They brought some nice gifts and THANK GOD some coffee. I'm eating the lasagna Sara made right now...it is delicious. For lunch we had some pasta Aunt Cari brought over yesterday.

I'm finding that visitors are really a blessing. When someone comes over we get to play the role of proud parent, instead of just worried parent. When its just us, we (or at least I) over analyze every sound and face the little guy makes and get all worked up. The meals, prayers and good wishes from everyone have been a godsend.

Speaking of worked up, I think we're both pretty emotionally drained. After the doctor's appointment we both felt 50 pounds lighter and far less worried, but the last day or two was draining....well the whole four days of his life have been draining, but anyway. Kelli's been a saint, but naturally her hormones have given way to some tears. I've had a few too, if we're being honest.

I just had a weird memory resurface of my anxiety as a child. I remember learning relaxation techniques. Perhaps I'll try them tonight. The best thing I've really found for dealing with the stress however is prayer. When Kelli was in labor on Monday I prayed a rosary in the delivery room. Monday's are the joyful mysteries, which focus on Jesus conception through his being lost at the temple. Reflecting on those mysteries, I remember that even Mary, the Mother of God, must have been a terrible worried new mom at one point.

Sure she knew the kid was special given his conception and her message from the angel, but she also knew a sword would pierce her own soul too. She probably had trouble getting him to eat or sleep on schedule. She definitely worried when he ran off to the Temple. In art, Mary always looks serene and that serenity no doubt comes from her current place in heaven but she couldn't have looked serene with Jesus was sick, or fussy. Well maybe she could, but she's a saint and I'm not. Still it is nice to have the intercession of the Blessed Mother when dealing with a stressful infant. Last night when Jacob was awful fussy, I kneeled at his pack-n-play and with the help of a podcast prayed the rosary. He fell right asleep.

Another great comfort is Jacob's own mother. I love my wife more every time she picks Jacob up, or tells me to calm down, or hugs me as we look at him. Our marriage seems to be getting even stronger thanks to this little bundle of troubling joy and I thank God for that. Single parents must be superheroes.

Anywho, it's nighttime now so he'll get a little fussy again, but all in all he's doing well, and for that I thank God.

*Footnote
I know two visits isn't much but neither Kelli or I are new to Group Health Associates. Essentially, we've always believed they're great pediatricians and terrible adult doctors. The first part of that has been totally reinforced the last two days.

Dr. Maloney and Dr. Wisenberger both went out of their way to make sure we called them to see how Jacob is doing and they didn't say to call or page in an emergency, they said to call either way, and more than once a day even. That kind of commitment is what a new parent needs and so far I highly recommend them for anyone in need of a pediatrician.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Baby Jacob reflection part 2; or, a rough day for the little stinker

So today wasn't Jacob's best day.

By virtue of leaving the hospital a day early we had a 48 hour checkup at the doctor. The positive note is that the little tyke sleeps well in the car and that his doctor, Dr. Tom Maloney, is a great guy. Dr. Maloney was my pediatrician and its great to be able to have a man I trust so well to care for my son.

The not so positive news is the boy has some jaundice. A blood draw at the doc showed bilirubin levels not so high as to warrant immediate treatment, but high enough to have us come back early tomorrow morning for another check.

The blood draw and excitement threw the little man off schedule. He didn't move his bowels at all Friday and he may have urinated only once or twice, when he should have gone 3-4 times. This, and the jaundice, and some lethargy got us to page Dr. Maloney, but with an appointment scheduled tomorrow he advised us to relax, reminded us that new parents are expected to worry, and that the little guy should bounce back in no time.

Tomorrow we see Dr. Wisenberger, who was Kelli's pediatrician growing up. Fun how that works out.

Kelli's milk started to come in big time today, and Jacob wasn't all that hungry. He ate a few times, and finally had a real good feeding later in the day with the assistance of Aunt Rachel. Aunt Rachel is my sister, and she's also a nurse. It helps to have a baby savvy medical professional around to keep new parents calm.

The little tyke has been Fussy McFussterton most of the day but he's laying down now. Mommy's trying to get some rest and Daddy's on baby watch in case he needs a diaper change or just some calming cuddles.

I know jaundice is a fairly normal thing, and all his trouble today was fairly normal stuff too, but I get it now. When a parent tells a non-parent they can't truly understand the worry, the stress, the fear of a not perfectly healthy child, the non-parent rolls their eyes.

Whatever, they think. You give the kid the care they need, worry a tad sure, but mostly you go about your business. Well, that's not how it works. The doctor said jaundice and I was terrified, even though I know it will likely be ok.

When he wouldn't eat for a bit, when he was too sleepy, when we wouldn't be calmed... all those moments today made me so nervous I wanted to rush the little guy to a doctor and say FIX HIM NOW.

All told the kid is fine. My brain knows that. My heart believes he'll be just fine. Something more primal though keeps nagging me with worry. I guess that's called parenthood.

Back on the happy side however, Jacob seemed to really like spending some time with Aunt Rachel. He also got to meet Kelli's sister Aunt Cari today. Cari brought over a lovely meal we'll eat sometime soon and Jessica from our church group of young parents brought over tonight's dinner of turkey noodle soup and salad. It was the first healthy meal Kelli and I have had since Jacob was born, and it was delicious.

Jacob continues to impress with his strength. His neck control is amazing. He lifts his head for several seconds at a time and looks around. I didn't think newborns could do that. His grip is incredible and OF COURSE his lungs must be Olympic swimmer quality as loud as he can yell.

I still can't believe how amazing my wife is. I knew she'd be a great mom and I knew she'd love him, but her self-sacrificing love for him is incredible and he and I are so blessed. I still can't believe how much I love the little guy too. I sing to him, making up words to old lullaby tunes while rocking him to sleep. It really is so cool.

Speaking of blessings. I have a neat Catholic app on my phone that has some great prayers on it. The app is called Laudate. Here's a prayer I've been saying for the little guy all day. It's by St. Augustine and its called Prayer for the Sick. I like it because it's a beautiful prayer for a sick one and his stressed parents, but also because it calls to mind Christ's incredible love, and that many people are in a tougher situation than me. It is good to be grounded with such thoughts.

"Watch, O Lord, with those who wake, or watch, or weep tonight
And give your angels charge over those who sleep

Tend your sick ones, O Lord Christ.
Rest your weary ones.
Bless your dying ones.
Soothe your suffering ones.
Shield your joyous ones.
And for all your love's sake, Amen."

I have SO MUCH to learn about being a parent and I have a hunch that days like today, days when things aren't always perfect, may end up being the days I learn the most.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I have a son. Some reflections from an exhausted first-time parent

I've been looking for a way to revive this blog. I think I've got it. Below is an unedited, stream-of-consciousness reflection I typed the day my wife Kelli and I brought our newborn son Jacob home from the hospital.

Perhaps I'll put more parenting reflections here.

To read a little more about my son and my hopes for him, see this actually edited and coherent column that appeared online for The Catholic Telegraph (<---- Click those words)

-----------------------------


I’m typing right now in the same chair I always type in at home. Straight ahead is still the TV, but the view is somewhat different. The TV is off, and to the left is a baby swing. To the left of that is a pack-n-play. Not far from that is a boppy pillow and a car seat.

I knew this little guy was coming for nine months. I had that time to prepare mentally, emotionally and spiritually to be a father. I didn’t know less than 2 hours after returning from the hospital that he’d own the living room. It doesn’t really hurt the look of the place though, it just makes our apartment look that much more like a home.

In that pack-n-play is the one-and-a-half-day-old Jacob Michael Stegeman. He was born July 23, at 6:51 a.m. He weighed 7 pounds, 4 ounces and he is 19.5 inches long. He has some of me and some of his mother in him, but for the life of me I can’t tell who’s features are whose. He cries louder than I thought possible and his strength is surprising.

I don’t really know the focus of this reflection. I should be asleep, since he is for a moment, and I’m tired. Dead tired. I’ve slept about 3 hours over the last two nights, and my wife Kelli has had it even worse having slept about the same, but after going through labor. I just know that I’m a writer, and I needed to write something.

For the moment, I’m torn between my desire to sleep and my desire to watch that little man as he sleeps. I watch his chest rise and fall. I watch his little flails and listen to his little coos as I wonder if he’s about to wake up. He’s proof positive to me that some clichés are true. Namely, they say you fall in love with your child the moment he’s born. He wasn’t out for a full second before I let out a sound I can't describe. It was part shout, part laugh, part cry, part prayer and part shock. He cried immediately, and I was in love.

His mother is the real hero. Kelli went into labor at home at 4:30 a.m. July 22, Jacob’s due date. Around 7ish we headed to the hospital and about 12 hours later, and after just three pushes when the time came, we had a son. She was amazing, and has taken to motherhood with complete grace. She awes me.

But while July 23 is his birthday, we’ve had a son much longer. We’ve had a child in our minds since November 7 of last year, our three year wedding anniversary, when Kelli told me she was pregnant. We’ve had a son since a while later when the ultrasound tech told us that the little gray line on a black & white photo was a proof of his sex.

From then on I've thought about who he might be.

One of my favorite prayers these days is the vocation’sprayer written by Cincinnati’s Archbishop Dennis M. Schnurr. It starts, “Almighty Father, you have created us for some definite purpose.” The prayer asks God to help people find the path God has created for them, be it priesthood, religious or single life, or marriage. It is a prayer, written by a bishop, that asks for more priests while acknowledging the ever-important point that we all have a vocation.

God created me to marry Kelli. He created her for me, and me for her.He made me a writer who would be a father, and he made her a multi-talented woman who chooses to raise children for His greater glory. 

He created us to be the family that begets and raises Jacob so that one day he will come to know that God has created him for some definite purpose too.

I don’t know what that purpose is yet, and Lord knows neither does Jacob. He just knows he likes to be held, hates to change clothes and he loves to eat. One day he’ll know his purpose. It could be anything. He could be a writer, an artist, a programmer, a priest, a ball player, or anything. It’s crazy to think that this little guy has the whole world in front of him.

I don’t know who Jacob Michael Stegeman will grow up to be. But I beg God for the grace and wisdom to raise him to know that his Almighty Father has created him for some definite purpose. That knowledge gives me solace. I haven’t slept, I’m eating a terrible diet, I have mind-numbing headache. 

I’m happy, and I place my trust in the Lord.


God has created me for this purpose, and with the help of His grace, I know we're up to it.

Monday, June 24, 2013

My latest column "Dreams of a father" for The Catholic Telegraph

I'm sorry I rarely blog here anymore, I want to keep this blog but I need to find its purpose. For now, here's my latest column for The CT.


"Bear with me if this column is a bit of a departure from my usual style and topic. I’m a bit preoccupied, you see, as my son is due to be born July 22.
I don’t know anything about him yet, but I know his mother and I already love him and we already think he’s got a fun little personality based on his mischievous pattern of not letting anyone but mom, and sometimes dad, feel his kicks. (Strong kicks, for the record, the kind that might make him a good NFL kicker.)......."

Read the rest here.
http://www.thecatholictelegraph.com/dreams-of-a-father-my-hope-for-my-soon-to-be-born-son/14948

Friday, March 1, 2013

Sede Vacante

We are a world without a pope, but we are not a world without hope.

As Benedict XVI said prior to resigning, he takes joy in knowing that the Church is God's, not his, and not even ours. God has never left us without a shepherd, even in the times without a pope we know that Christ himself is the true head of the Church.

The Holy Spirit will assist the cardinals and soon enough we'll have a new pope. I don't have any idea who it will be but I know that, as Benedict XVI also said, the Lord can work through even insufficient means.

We are popeless, not hopeless, someone wrote on Twitter.

Covering this in the Catholic media world has been unique. The secular media seems obsessed with trying to portray as a Church in shambles, in a tailspin, mired in controversy, but what I see is something else.

The same divisions within our Church remain, the resignation was a surprise, and there are controversies, but we're a Church filled with thanks for our Pope Emeritus. We're a Church filled with hope for the future pope. We're a Church united, no matter what the so-called "Vaticanistas" on the cable news networks say.

Take faith friends, the Church has survived everything, it will survive this sede vacante, and the next. Our popes take on a great office, but they are mortal men. Our Church is immortal, as is its head, Jesus Christ.

Monday, February 11, 2013

So God made a Pope

UPDATE: Now edited to the version also posted at www.thecatholictelegraph.com

In response to Pope Benedict XVI's resignation announcement today, I give my take on the Paul Harvey classic, "So God made a farmer."

------------------------------------------------------

So God made a Pope
And some time considerably after the 8th day, God looked down on the Church his Son had established and said, “I need a caretaker.” So God made a pope.
God said, “I need somebody willing to preach the gospel before dawn, shepherd a multitude, work all day with world leaders and then come back to Rome to hear the concerns of the faithful.” So God made a pope.
God said, “I need someone parental enough to baptize a child, man enough to accept Holy Orders, smart enough to write encyclicals and simple enough to reach the every man, woman and child in the Church. He’d have to be able to laugh at himself, and cry with his flock.” So God made a pope.
It had to be somebody strong enough to die for Christ or live for his Church yet soft enough to end schisms and reach his opponents. Someone to pray, heal, serve, rule, forgive, judge and guide a flock that would grow from 12 to 1.25 billion. So God made a pope.
It had to be someone that could handle bureaucracy, study the law, oppose heresy and not fear the wolves. So God made a pope.
God said, “It has to be someone who’s a sinner, but who I can use for my greater glory. It needs be someone with so much zeal they sometimes say and do the wrong thing, but with enough wisdom to accept their own fallibility when confronted. Someone who could pastor charismatics and Latin mass goers, nuns and brothers, bishops and laymen. So God made a pope.
It would have to be someone willing to bear slurs, oppose injustice, speak for peace, hold fast to truth and forever work to evangelize an unbelieving world. So God made a pope.
It had to be someone who can look inside, and try, perhaps even with a tear in his eye, and know when its time to let someone else carry the cross and the crown.
So God made this pope.
God bless and keep Pope Benedict XVI.
——————————————————————————————————————————————————
If you liked this, you may also like Father Kyle Schnippel’s “So Jesus Called the Priest,” recently posted on the Archdiocese of Cincinnati’s Vocation’s page. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

This will be a unique and challenging time for the Church, but as the Holy Spirit has guided us for 2,000+ years, it will continue to do so. I look forward to continuing to cover this nearly unprecedented news.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Catholics Come Home Commercials: Are they working?

So this outreach is really for our readers in the Archdiocese of Cincinnati, but to any of my blogs readers, we can certainly have an interesting discussion on these matters right here at 1fromthepews.

Have you seen the commercials? What are your thoughts? Nothing posted in these comments will be reproduced in print or online without express permission.