Baby Jacob reflection 4: The new normal?

My friends with kids are mostly great. Most of them are good folk who express solidarity with my concerns and tell me everything's going to be fine and that the little guy's fine etc. Some of them suck, however, and like to do the "You think its bad now" game.

That's not helpful.

Anyway, my dad was just here a minute ago. Having raised four kids, I knew he'd have good advice. I told him I'm just terrified all the time. Every little sneeze or sound makes me nervous, even if I know in my mind Jacob is fine.

His advice?

Trust his mother.

Spot on. Kelli has the maternal instinct down pat. For my part, I'm getting better. I love the guy but I'd  be more comfortable to go hunt some mastodon or defeat a warring tribe to provide for his future than I would feed him and change his diaper. That said, I fed him yesterday and today with a bottle and I loved it.

Today I even totally changed my first wet and dirty diaper with no assistance from Kelli. So far I'd tried, but she'd always need to help.

I can't help but wonder if I'll ever relax again. I know I will. My good friends, Kelli and my family told me so. I know one day I'll be able to just sit and watch a tv show and not spaz out when my son wiggles in his crib. That day is not today.

I have to be honest too that my leave from work seemed long in theory. Three weeks away from The CT seemed like an eternity. With one week of leave in the books, it now seems not long enough. I don't want to leave the little guy, and more importantly I don't wanna mommy to be stuck on her own for 8 hours a day. But alas, we got bills and I got a job.

Speaking of me spazzing out. Jacob can nearly roll over... That's weird right? I mean he can go from his back to his side while still in a swaddle. I thought it took months for that. He can also lift his head real well and look around, another later life milestone I thought. I'm hoping the kid's just ahead of the curve.

Today's visitors were Grandpa Riehle, Uncle Greg, Great Aunt Kathy and Uncle Rick and Papa Stegeman. Thanks all of you for stopping by, for the meals, the gifts and the presence of family.

The other thing I'm noticing is a new normal as it pertains to time. When the little guy is sleeping or fussing, every second seems a minute, every minute seems an hour. I'm sure I'll adjust.

What else, what else. He's still going strong on eating, pooping and peeing like a champ. All signs show him to be a cute, healthy baby. We're going to try to get him back on the breast from the bottle tomorrow per the doctor's idea. Kelli tried to get him to go back to that today but no luck. If he can't figure it out tomorrow, we may look at a lactation consultant the Dr. recommended or a friend of my mom's.

Stop a second.

I just re-read all thing and I sound like a bit of a crybaby don't I? I need to keep reminding myself I'm not the first new parent, I'm not the first person to deal with a baby or to be stressed and nervous. Kelli does a great job of telling me that.

Having a baby certainly does bring about a new normal. Nights formerly filled with dinner and three hours of TV will likely be eating dinner at different times while changing diapers and praying for sleep. Relaxing moments on weekends with nothing to do are gone forever, replaced with nervous babywatching, feeding, changing, cuddling.

If it sounds like I lament all that, perhaps I do, but only for a moment. Then I look over at Jacob, sleeping soundly, and I think I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love that Kelli and I are now more than a couple. We're a family. Our love and openness to God's generosity has brought a new life into this world and there's no greater task than that.

Openness to God is how Jacob came to be, and trust in God is how I, a spastic first-time dad, plan to get through it.