So my baby boy is either 10 or 11 days old today (Friday, Aug. 2). I guess it depends on who you ask whether the day of the birth is day 0 or day No. 1....I digress.
Today was also a good day. Kelli and I are trying to remember the stuff we learned reading the book Becoming Babywise. If we do what that book says, as others we know have, we should have Jacob on a decent sleep schedule by the time he turns two months old.
He is very clearly NOT yet two months old. We do have a pattern established. He wakes, eats, gets changed, stays awake for a time (occasionally) and repeats. This allows for 2-3 periods of two hours of sleep a night, which I suppose could be far worse. We need to make sure we start the day at the same time each morning where so far, if he's been asleep, we stay asleep as long as we can.
Kelli continues to be a trooper. Not only is she is a new mom dealing with all that, but she has a husband who is on the edge of insanity half the time and she keeps me grounded and doesn't let that send her off the rails. I think its fair to say she's had the usual baby blues but otherwise is doing pretty great.
As for Jacob, he's still eating well and Mommy's making plenty of milk which is great. He has some little blotches or rash marks all over but after looking at a pictorial guide on Babycenter I think it's harmless. At the moment, he continues his plan to make sure mommy and daddy can never go to bed.... We REALLY need to sleep during his daytime naps. Anywho...
Before I go into this next part, let me stress that today was a good day. He had some great wake time/play time, good tummy time and some other random oversleeping times but generally today was really good. This next bit is more just a cumulative reflection..
See here's why I'm so crazy. I deal with stress pretty well. I handle a crisis pretty well. All told, unpleasant moments are often my time to shine....but there's a reason for that....They all end. When those moments end, I decompress.
This doesn't end. This is constant baby crying, changing, baby crying, feeding, baby crying, changing, daddy crying, baby crying, mommy crying madness for the foreseeable future.
Other parents. How the hell do you deal with that? I get it, we have no choice. We're parents and in our self-sacrificial love we just deal with it.... I know that, and I intend to deal with it, but how do you do so without complete mental, physical and emotional collapse? I'm not there yet, but I can't imagine I'm strong enough to go on like this forever without a break.
And again, I know my suffering is minor all told. He's a pretty healthy kid and DOES sleep sometimes. He could be so much worse. I do love the little scamp, but mommy and daddy are humans after all.
Last night to get him back to sleep after a feeding we had to have family sing along hour where kelli and I took turns singing and rocking him until he FINALLY went down. He's been up since 8:30 now (it is 10:11) and he just keeps screaming when we put him down. Kelli's trying the singing rocking approach now. I pray it works.
Eventually I have to go back to work, and I plan on doing my part to help with the little guy. But if my inability to speak or use proper spelling and grammar in these blogs is any indication, I'm going to have to find time for more rest. Mom needs rest too. She doesn't get to go to work and take 8 hours off from being a parent. I'm not sure how we'll make all that work yet, but we will.
We were open to God's gift of a child, and we're open to his grace and will in our lives to raise that child. God, please, please, please give us the strength to do so.
Good night all... we'll leave the light on for you.... we won't be sleeping anyway.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Baby Jacob reflection 8: On on the 8th day...
On the seventh day, God rested. On the 8th, he got back to work. Having a baby means no metaphorical seventh day for us. A good night sleep now means three stretches of two hours, but alas Jacob seems to be growing well.
My unofficial measurement has him a half inch longer than he was at birth. He's looking around a lot. He's taking it all in. He's doing a great job of sleeping through the day when all the visitors are here, but he may be planning a career as Batman because night time is his active time.
Mom and dad love the visitors but maybe we should accept a few less folks and instead we could sleep in the afternoon. Speaking of our lack of sleep, the only doctor's appointment in the family today was me. I've been fighting a stupid infection for more than a month but it keeps happening so I'm off to an ENT for a followup. So that's exciting. Good news is that baby Jacob and mommy are doing great.
Today's visitors included Grandma Riehle, Grandpa Riehle who brought KFC for dinner and Nana Stegeman who helped calm the little guy during his night time wake cycle. I'm so glad all four of his grandparents are such naturals.
Some old saying from their era was "It takes a village to raise a child" and connotations aside, that's somewhat true. The love and support of our friends, family and a church group full of future friends have been invaluable. I can feel the prayers of everyone helping my stress levels.
On the milk front, we didn't contact the experts yet. That option is still open, but Kelli kept up with production pretty well today. Pray for her stress reduction as well.
Anywho I'm exhausted but won't be sleeping since Jacob's playing Batman.
I found this while googling patron saint of baby sleep. I guess its St. Peter Damien, who had insomnia. No idea who wrote it, but I found it on Catholic Answers forums.
Dearest St. Peter, put my baby to sleep. His eyes are tired, and we don't want him to weep. He needs to be awake for tomorrow is a new day, and our dear baby will want to go out and play. Give him some rest and give him some peace, so tomorrow he can enjoy life with ease!
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Baby Jacob 7: The typical atypical day
So day 8 of life for Jacob didn't involve any trips to the doctor. In fact he had his first trip out of the house that wasn't for a doctor visit.
I think it was a good day for all today. Last night we all got a little sleep as Jacob spent his first night in our bedroom in his pack-n-play. I think maybe Jacob got too much rest though because he's had very little interest in sleeping today. He slept some in the morning, some in the afternoon, but come evening and night he's not having it. After his last feeding he never did go all the way to sleep, and now after his late night feeding he's still fussing and Kelli's trying to rock him to bed with no luck so far. I'll take over after this blog.
Today's other visitors were Aunt Allison, cousin Anna, Grandma Riehle and her friend Linda. Emily Braun, a member of our church group who we'd never met before today, brought a dinner of Italian beef and peppers and it was really, really good.
Jacob and Mommy rode along as Daddy went by his childhood home to take out the garbage one last time as Papa and Nana now live on the east side. We got a photo of Jacob and daddy on the front steps. Was nice.
There Jacob got to meet Jeff, his son Aiden and his girlfriend Jena. After that we went on a family trip to Kroger for a few things and back home.
My anxiety has been a roller coaster today. Jacob's been off and on fussy like a newborn will be, and momma's nerves have been frazzled by an apparent drop in milk production. As I think I've said before, we're not breastfeeding anymore since the kid was having none of it and wasn't getting enough.
Instead Kelli's been pumping and we're giving him that with a bottle. The last couple days her production has dropped and his appetite has increased a little bit and that's stressing her out a lot. We're still staying ahead, but usually only by one serving. She could use some prayers folks (and as always, so could daddy). I told her there's a long way to go between where we are now and giving up on breast milk. We haven't even talked to the experts yet, so that's the plan for tomorrow. Call the experts.
Speaking of experts, I might call the doc tomorrow just to check something. I think Jacob has a little reflux, he has all the symptoms. For many babies, it's not a big deal and they learn to deal, but if it keeps affecting his and our sleep, we need to look into it.
So all told I think today was a typical new parent kind of day. Stressful, but normal perhaps. Jacob seemed fine, but fussy. Mom had her stress out moments and Dad's anxiety had its peaks and valleys.
Here's to another day in paradise tomorrow. Keep praying for us, and thanks.
I think it was a good day for all today. Last night we all got a little sleep as Jacob spent his first night in our bedroom in his pack-n-play. I think maybe Jacob got too much rest though because he's had very little interest in sleeping today. He slept some in the morning, some in the afternoon, but come evening and night he's not having it. After his last feeding he never did go all the way to sleep, and now after his late night feeding he's still fussing and Kelli's trying to rock him to bed with no luck so far. I'll take over after this blog.
Today's other visitors were Aunt Allison, cousin Anna, Grandma Riehle and her friend Linda. Emily Braun, a member of our church group who we'd never met before today, brought a dinner of Italian beef and peppers and it was really, really good.
Jacob and Mommy rode along as Daddy went by his childhood home to take out the garbage one last time as Papa and Nana now live on the east side. We got a photo of Jacob and daddy on the front steps. Was nice.
There Jacob got to meet Jeff, his son Aiden and his girlfriend Jena. After that we went on a family trip to Kroger for a few things and back home.
My anxiety has been a roller coaster today. Jacob's been off and on fussy like a newborn will be, and momma's nerves have been frazzled by an apparent drop in milk production. As I think I've said before, we're not breastfeeding anymore since the kid was having none of it and wasn't getting enough.
Instead Kelli's been pumping and we're giving him that with a bottle. The last couple days her production has dropped and his appetite has increased a little bit and that's stressing her out a lot. We're still staying ahead, but usually only by one serving. She could use some prayers folks (and as always, so could daddy). I told her there's a long way to go between where we are now and giving up on breast milk. We haven't even talked to the experts yet, so that's the plan for tomorrow. Call the experts.
Speaking of experts, I might call the doc tomorrow just to check something. I think Jacob has a little reflux, he has all the symptoms. For many babies, it's not a big deal and they learn to deal, but if it keeps affecting his and our sleep, we need to look into it.
So all told I think today was a typical new parent kind of day. Stressful, but normal perhaps. Jacob seemed fine, but fussy. Mom had her stress out moments and Dad's anxiety had its peaks and valleys.
Here's to another day in paradise tomorrow. Keep praying for us, and thanks.
Baby Jacob Reflection 6: How I learned to stop worrying and love the cry
So the title is a bit of a lie. I still worry. I worry a lot. Too much most likely. But I no longer mind Jacob's banshee-like screams and fits. He can fuss all damn day.
The reason I say that is because on Tuesday we had to rush the little scamp to the doctor. For about 8 hours, he was nearly non-responsive. I say nearly because he could do encouraging things like take a bottle, but then he wouldn't get upset at his diaper change and nothing we did could seem to rouse him. It only got worse for about an hour before we went to the doctor.
I was panicked, but Momma was cool as ice. On the way we switched roles as she got more and more worried and I took over the comforter role. We told Jacob that if he wouldn't mind, he was welcome to make mommy and daddy look bad by waking up before we even saw the doctor, and lo and behold, that's what he did.
In the Group Health waiting room I told the receptionist we were panicked new parents and asked for a nurse to come see him to make sure we didn't need to rush to the hospital or something. We were early and they took us right back with an experienced nurse taking over. As we undressed him, something clicked, and he was back. He yelled at us, pooped, peed, yelled some more and squirmed like he does. We cried with joy.
From then on the appointment was a blessing. It counts as his one week appointment and he was back up to his birth weight of 7 pounds 4 ounces. The doctor, a younger woman named Dr. Brinker, spent far more time with us than we deserved. She said we did the right thing to bring him in. The reasons for his behavior are less than clear. She said he's still a tiny bit jaundiced which can cause some fatigue, or perhaps his sleep cycles got weird.
While we in there he went through 4 or 5 diapers....so that may have had something to do with it. But his weight was good, lungs and heart and all that seem good. Still....we were terrified and for a brief minute forced to think some unpleasant thoughts.
My sister Karyn brought dinner later on Tuesday, and we decided to call in Kelli's mom (Karen, not to be confused with Karyn) to help us out. We needed a stabilizing hand of an experienced mom and Karen lives nearby, is retired, and certainly loves to be available so we had her join us for dinner. She watched the little guy while Kelli and I got to spend 10-20 minutes just laying in bed talking.
At that point we decided we shouldn't keep her mom too late, so we brought the pack-n-play back into the bedroom, and we decided to try sleeping as a family. So far so good, but you might guess I'm typing this at 4 a.m. so it isn't perfect just yet.
The only other bump at the moment is milk supply. Kelli's doing everything right, but the last few pumps have dwindled a bit and Jacob's of course still a hungry, growing boy. Dr. Brinkley raised no issue with being exclusively a pump-and-bottle feeding family, so we'll go online tomorrow and see what we can learn.
Since we left the Doc Jacob's been back to his usual fighting, screaming, crying self. After seeing him completely silent for 8 hours, as far as I'm concerned he can cry as much as he wants.
Other visitors today included my sister Mary and her boyfriend J.C. Great seeing them and Mary was a help preparing lunch and making some unrelated phone calls for me while Kelli and I debated taking Jacob to the doctor. I'm so glad we did.
The calls Mary was making was checking schedules concerning the boy's pending baptism. It will be at St. Martin of Tours in Cheviot, but I don't know for sure when. We're looking at Saturday, the 24th of August, at the 5 p.m. Mass but I haven't been able to reach the DRE who handles that. Moments like we had today remind me that I don't wanna wait a day longer than I need to for this sacrament.
In a couple hours Jacob will be 8 days old. He's starting to open his eyes a lot more and it looks like he's looking at things now, not just through them. He's starting to have more wake times after feedings (more at night sadly) and he's as strong as ever. We started tummy time today with limited success, but he did lift his head a few times before getting annoyed at us.
I've asked our church group to pray for my (and Kelli's though she's doing better than me) anxiety during this new experience of parenthood, and I'd ask any believer reading this to please pray for them as well. One family has three kids and one has stomach flu and they can use some prayers too.
On a personal note, I'm hopeful I can join an outing of the men in the group on Friday, but that depends on Jacob.
I think if we can just have a week or so of no problems....or at least no serious problems necessitating doc visits, I can start to settle in. Just think how spastic I'd be with a truly sick baby.....sheesh.
For now though, prayers for the intercession of the Blessed Mother and St. Gerard and constant petitions to God are getting me through, along with the incredible poise of my wife.
Mary, mother of God, pray for us as new parents. St. Gerard, patron of new parents, pray for us. Friends and family reading this blog, pray for us too. Things really do seem to be ok, but I don't think I'll ever stop stressing and there's no such thing as too many prayers.
The reason I say that is because on Tuesday we had to rush the little scamp to the doctor. For about 8 hours, he was nearly non-responsive. I say nearly because he could do encouraging things like take a bottle, but then he wouldn't get upset at his diaper change and nothing we did could seem to rouse him. It only got worse for about an hour before we went to the doctor.
I was panicked, but Momma was cool as ice. On the way we switched roles as she got more and more worried and I took over the comforter role. We told Jacob that if he wouldn't mind, he was welcome to make mommy and daddy look bad by waking up before we even saw the doctor, and lo and behold, that's what he did.
In the Group Health waiting room I told the receptionist we were panicked new parents and asked for a nurse to come see him to make sure we didn't need to rush to the hospital or something. We were early and they took us right back with an experienced nurse taking over. As we undressed him, something clicked, and he was back. He yelled at us, pooped, peed, yelled some more and squirmed like he does. We cried with joy.
From then on the appointment was a blessing. It counts as his one week appointment and he was back up to his birth weight of 7 pounds 4 ounces. The doctor, a younger woman named Dr. Brinker, spent far more time with us than we deserved. She said we did the right thing to bring him in. The reasons for his behavior are less than clear. She said he's still a tiny bit jaundiced which can cause some fatigue, or perhaps his sleep cycles got weird.
While we in there he went through 4 or 5 diapers....so that may have had something to do with it. But his weight was good, lungs and heart and all that seem good. Still....we were terrified and for a brief minute forced to think some unpleasant thoughts.
My sister Karyn brought dinner later on Tuesday, and we decided to call in Kelli's mom (Karen, not to be confused with Karyn) to help us out. We needed a stabilizing hand of an experienced mom and Karen lives nearby, is retired, and certainly loves to be available so we had her join us for dinner. She watched the little guy while Kelli and I got to spend 10-20 minutes just laying in bed talking.
At that point we decided we shouldn't keep her mom too late, so we brought the pack-n-play back into the bedroom, and we decided to try sleeping as a family. So far so good, but you might guess I'm typing this at 4 a.m. so it isn't perfect just yet.
The only other bump at the moment is milk supply. Kelli's doing everything right, but the last few pumps have dwindled a bit and Jacob's of course still a hungry, growing boy. Dr. Brinkley raised no issue with being exclusively a pump-and-bottle feeding family, so we'll go online tomorrow and see what we can learn.
Since we left the Doc Jacob's been back to his usual fighting, screaming, crying self. After seeing him completely silent for 8 hours, as far as I'm concerned he can cry as much as he wants.
Other visitors today included my sister Mary and her boyfriend J.C. Great seeing them and Mary was a help preparing lunch and making some unrelated phone calls for me while Kelli and I debated taking Jacob to the doctor. I'm so glad we did.
The calls Mary was making was checking schedules concerning the boy's pending baptism. It will be at St. Martin of Tours in Cheviot, but I don't know for sure when. We're looking at Saturday, the 24th of August, at the 5 p.m. Mass but I haven't been able to reach the DRE who handles that. Moments like we had today remind me that I don't wanna wait a day longer than I need to for this sacrament.
In a couple hours Jacob will be 8 days old. He's starting to open his eyes a lot more and it looks like he's looking at things now, not just through them. He's starting to have more wake times after feedings (more at night sadly) and he's as strong as ever. We started tummy time today with limited success, but he did lift his head a few times before getting annoyed at us.
I've asked our church group to pray for my (and Kelli's though she's doing better than me) anxiety during this new experience of parenthood, and I'd ask any believer reading this to please pray for them as well. One family has three kids and one has stomach flu and they can use some prayers too.
On a personal note, I'm hopeful I can join an outing of the men in the group on Friday, but that depends on Jacob.
I think if we can just have a week or so of no problems....or at least no serious problems necessitating doc visits, I can start to settle in. Just think how spastic I'd be with a truly sick baby.....sheesh.
For now though, prayers for the intercession of the Blessed Mother and St. Gerard and constant petitions to God are getting me through, along with the incredible poise of my wife.
Mary, mother of God, pray for us as new parents. St. Gerard, patron of new parents, pray for us. Friends and family reading this blog, pray for us too. Things really do seem to be ok, but I don't think I'll ever stop stressing and there's no such thing as too many prayers.
Monday, July 29, 2013
Baby Jacob Reflection 5: No title
We're all pooped. All of us except Jacob that is.
The little guy skipped a couple sleep cycles making Kelli's shift watching him a challenge. We reintroduced the breast today and he did pretty good. Still I don't think he got a ton of food so Kelli made the smart call to give him a bottle around 11:30 and now he seems to be resting.
He made some real progress today towards getting back to breastfeeding and mommy gets all the credit. Gonna stick with bottles tonight to make things easy.
Today involved a little doctor's trip for Kelli and she had some splitting headaches. She's ok, they just wanted to check her out. Doc said she needs food and sleep....no small task about now on the sleep part. While at the doctor, Aunt Rachel and Uncle Matt came down to take care of Jacob so daddy could focus on taking care of mommy.
Aunt Cari and the kids were going to come down but it was a rough morning. Jacob will meet his big cousins soon.
I say again, Rachel is a natural, and Matt's pretty good with a kid too. Not only did they take care of him but Rachel folded the laundry, did the dishes and even made our bed. Can't thank them enough.
Later Uncle Scott and Aunt Lynne came by and bought us dinner and brought us some snacks that are already being much appreciated.
We love having company folks. It reminds us the outside world is still there, and I think it distracts us from the stress of parenting. Feel free to visit, just call first.
As for us, the hormones and stress still get to Kelli and the stress still gets to me. Right now, for example, I'm gripped by unreasonable terror. Jacob's sound asleep for the moment, but every time he moves I feel like I want to throw up....not sure why I'm such a spaz lately, but its sure not fun.
Got to hold him as he fell asleep tonight though, and that made up for it a bit.
What I'd really like is for someone good with him to stay the night sometime, and let us get just one night of uninterupted sleep. We haven't shared the same bed since Jacob came home and that's a little stressful for a couple like us that was attached at the hip.
Anyway. Gonna wrap this blog up now. Say a prayer that he sleeps for a few hours, and another that I don't go insane. We appreciate all the support and Lord knows we need it.
The little guy skipped a couple sleep cycles making Kelli's shift watching him a challenge. We reintroduced the breast today and he did pretty good. Still I don't think he got a ton of food so Kelli made the smart call to give him a bottle around 11:30 and now he seems to be resting.
He made some real progress today towards getting back to breastfeeding and mommy gets all the credit. Gonna stick with bottles tonight to make things easy.
Today involved a little doctor's trip for Kelli and she had some splitting headaches. She's ok, they just wanted to check her out. Doc said she needs food and sleep....no small task about now on the sleep part. While at the doctor, Aunt Rachel and Uncle Matt came down to take care of Jacob so daddy could focus on taking care of mommy.
Aunt Cari and the kids were going to come down but it was a rough morning. Jacob will meet his big cousins soon.
I say again, Rachel is a natural, and Matt's pretty good with a kid too. Not only did they take care of him but Rachel folded the laundry, did the dishes and even made our bed. Can't thank them enough.
Later Uncle Scott and Aunt Lynne came by and bought us dinner and brought us some snacks that are already being much appreciated.
We love having company folks. It reminds us the outside world is still there, and I think it distracts us from the stress of parenting. Feel free to visit, just call first.
As for us, the hormones and stress still get to Kelli and the stress still gets to me. Right now, for example, I'm gripped by unreasonable terror. Jacob's sound asleep for the moment, but every time he moves I feel like I want to throw up....not sure why I'm such a spaz lately, but its sure not fun.
Got to hold him as he fell asleep tonight though, and that made up for it a bit.
What I'd really like is for someone good with him to stay the night sometime, and let us get just one night of uninterupted sleep. We haven't shared the same bed since Jacob came home and that's a little stressful for a couple like us that was attached at the hip.
Anyway. Gonna wrap this blog up now. Say a prayer that he sleeps for a few hours, and another that I don't go insane. We appreciate all the support and Lord knows we need it.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Baby Jacob reflection 4: The new normal?
My friends with kids are mostly great. Most of them are good folk who express solidarity with my concerns and tell me everything's going to be fine and that the little guy's fine etc. Some of them suck, however, and like to do the "You think its bad now" game.
That's not helpful.
Anyway, my dad was just here a minute ago. Having raised four kids, I knew he'd have good advice. I told him I'm just terrified all the time. Every little sneeze or sound makes me nervous, even if I know in my mind Jacob is fine.
His advice?
Trust his mother.
Spot on. Kelli has the maternal instinct down pat. For my part, I'm getting better. I love the guy but I'd be more comfortable to go hunt some mastodon or defeat a warring tribe to provide for his future than I would feed him and change his diaper. That said, I fed him yesterday and today with a bottle and I loved it.
Today I even totally changed my first wet and dirty diaper with no assistance from Kelli. So far I'd tried, but she'd always need to help.
I can't help but wonder if I'll ever relax again. I know I will. My good friends, Kelli and my family told me so. I know one day I'll be able to just sit and watch a tv show and not spaz out when my son wiggles in his crib. That day is not today.
I have to be honest too that my leave from work seemed long in theory. Three weeks away from The CT seemed like an eternity. With one week of leave in the books, it now seems not long enough. I don't want to leave the little guy, and more importantly I don't wanna mommy to be stuck on her own for 8 hours a day. But alas, we got bills and I got a job.
Speaking of me spazzing out. Jacob can nearly roll over... That's weird right? I mean he can go from his back to his side while still in a swaddle. I thought it took months for that. He can also lift his head real well and look around, another later life milestone I thought. I'm hoping the kid's just ahead of the curve.
Today's visitors were Grandpa Riehle, Uncle Greg, Great Aunt Kathy and Uncle Rick and Papa Stegeman. Thanks all of you for stopping by, for the meals, the gifts and the presence of family.
The other thing I'm noticing is a new normal as it pertains to time. When the little guy is sleeping or fussing, every second seems a minute, every minute seems an hour. I'm sure I'll adjust.
What else, what else. He's still going strong on eating, pooping and peeing like a champ. All signs show him to be a cute, healthy baby. We're going to try to get him back on the breast from the bottle tomorrow per the doctor's idea. Kelli tried to get him to go back to that today but no luck. If he can't figure it out tomorrow, we may look at a lactation consultant the Dr. recommended or a friend of my mom's.
Stop a second.
I just re-read all thing and I sound like a bit of a crybaby don't I? I need to keep reminding myself I'm not the first new parent, I'm not the first person to deal with a baby or to be stressed and nervous. Kelli does a great job of telling me that.
Having a baby certainly does bring about a new normal. Nights formerly filled with dinner and three hours of TV will likely be eating dinner at different times while changing diapers and praying for sleep. Relaxing moments on weekends with nothing to do are gone forever, replaced with nervous babywatching, feeding, changing, cuddling.
If it sounds like I lament all that, perhaps I do, but only for a moment. Then I look over at Jacob, sleeping soundly, and I think I wouldn't have it any other way.
I love that Kelli and I are now more than a couple. We're a family. Our love and openness to God's generosity has brought a new life into this world and there's no greater task than that.
Openness to God is how Jacob came to be, and trust in God is how I, a spastic first-time dad, plan to get through it.
That's not helpful.
Anyway, my dad was just here a minute ago. Having raised four kids, I knew he'd have good advice. I told him I'm just terrified all the time. Every little sneeze or sound makes me nervous, even if I know in my mind Jacob is fine.
His advice?
Trust his mother.
Spot on. Kelli has the maternal instinct down pat. For my part, I'm getting better. I love the guy but I'd be more comfortable to go hunt some mastodon or defeat a warring tribe to provide for his future than I would feed him and change his diaper. That said, I fed him yesterday and today with a bottle and I loved it.
Today I even totally changed my first wet and dirty diaper with no assistance from Kelli. So far I'd tried, but she'd always need to help.
I can't help but wonder if I'll ever relax again. I know I will. My good friends, Kelli and my family told me so. I know one day I'll be able to just sit and watch a tv show and not spaz out when my son wiggles in his crib. That day is not today.
I have to be honest too that my leave from work seemed long in theory. Three weeks away from The CT seemed like an eternity. With one week of leave in the books, it now seems not long enough. I don't want to leave the little guy, and more importantly I don't wanna mommy to be stuck on her own for 8 hours a day. But alas, we got bills and I got a job.
Speaking of me spazzing out. Jacob can nearly roll over... That's weird right? I mean he can go from his back to his side while still in a swaddle. I thought it took months for that. He can also lift his head real well and look around, another later life milestone I thought. I'm hoping the kid's just ahead of the curve.
Today's visitors were Grandpa Riehle, Uncle Greg, Great Aunt Kathy and Uncle Rick and Papa Stegeman. Thanks all of you for stopping by, for the meals, the gifts and the presence of family.
The other thing I'm noticing is a new normal as it pertains to time. When the little guy is sleeping or fussing, every second seems a minute, every minute seems an hour. I'm sure I'll adjust.
What else, what else. He's still going strong on eating, pooping and peeing like a champ. All signs show him to be a cute, healthy baby. We're going to try to get him back on the breast from the bottle tomorrow per the doctor's idea. Kelli tried to get him to go back to that today but no luck. If he can't figure it out tomorrow, we may look at a lactation consultant the Dr. recommended or a friend of my mom's.
Stop a second.
I just re-read all thing and I sound like a bit of a crybaby don't I? I need to keep reminding myself I'm not the first new parent, I'm not the first person to deal with a baby or to be stressed and nervous. Kelli does a great job of telling me that.
Having a baby certainly does bring about a new normal. Nights formerly filled with dinner and three hours of TV will likely be eating dinner at different times while changing diapers and praying for sleep. Relaxing moments on weekends with nothing to do are gone forever, replaced with nervous babywatching, feeding, changing, cuddling.
If it sounds like I lament all that, perhaps I do, but only for a moment. Then I look over at Jacob, sleeping soundly, and I think I wouldn't have it any other way.
I love that Kelli and I are now more than a couple. We're a family. Our love and openness to God's generosity has brought a new life into this world and there's no greater task than that.
Openness to God is how Jacob came to be, and trust in God is how I, a spastic first-time dad, plan to get through it.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Baby Reflections 3: A step in the right direction
So the kid went to the doctor today and to quote Kelli, it was the best $25 we ever spent.
At 9 a.m. today we went to see Dr. Wisenberger at Group Health. (*See below) It was rainy. We were exhausted, emotionally and mentally drained, and quite honestly expecting a trip to Children's hospital when Dr. Wisenberger came in.
He looked him over and asked some questions and said the words we all wanted to hear.
"He's completely healthy."
We both nearly cried, I think.
He wasn't getting enough milk because he was, get this, too hungry to eat well. So we were told to pump some milk and use a bottle. We got him home and low and behold, it worked. He ate plenty. Later while I napped Kelli changed two dirty diapers and later as I assisted with a third, the little scamp peed all over the damn place. I think that's the happiest I'll ever be to see my child urinate on himself.
He's sleeping ok, he's less fussy, and he looks a little less jaundiced I think. We called the doctor back later and he said all seems well and the jaundice is normal. He doesn't think it needs treatment. We're calling him again tomorrow just to check in.
What else. Jacob met great Aunt Debby and great uncle Jerry today and cousins Billy and Sara with their children Patrick and our goddaughter Teresa. They brought some nice gifts and THANK GOD some coffee. I'm eating the lasagna Sara made right now...it is delicious. For lunch we had some pasta Aunt Cari brought over yesterday.
I'm finding that visitors are really a blessing. When someone comes over we get to play the role of proud parent, instead of just worried parent. When its just us, we (or at least I) over analyze every sound and face the little guy makes and get all worked up. The meals, prayers and good wishes from everyone have been a godsend.
Speaking of worked up, I think we're both pretty emotionally drained. After the doctor's appointment we both felt 50 pounds lighter and far less worried, but the last day or two was draining....well the whole four days of his life have been draining, but anyway. Kelli's been a saint, but naturally her hormones have given way to some tears. I've had a few too, if we're being honest.
I just had a weird memory resurface of my anxiety as a child. I remember learning relaxation techniques. Perhaps I'll try them tonight. The best thing I've really found for dealing with the stress however is prayer. When Kelli was in labor on Monday I prayed a rosary in the delivery room. Monday's are the joyful mysteries, which focus on Jesus conception through his being lost at the temple. Reflecting on those mysteries, I remember that even Mary, the Mother of God, must have been a terrible worried new mom at one point.
Sure she knew the kid was special given his conception and her message from the angel, but she also knew a sword would pierce her own soul too. She probably had trouble getting him to eat or sleep on schedule. She definitely worried when he ran off to the Temple. In art, Mary always looks serene and that serenity no doubt comes from her current place in heaven but she couldn't have looked serene with Jesus was sick, or fussy. Well maybe she could, but she's a saint and I'm not. Still it is nice to have the intercession of the Blessed Mother when dealing with a stressful infant. Last night when Jacob was awful fussy, I kneeled at his pack-n-play and with the help of a podcast prayed the rosary. He fell right asleep.
Another great comfort is Jacob's own mother. I love my wife more every time she picks Jacob up, or tells me to calm down, or hugs me as we look at him. Our marriage seems to be getting even stronger thanks to this little bundle of troubling joy and I thank God for that. Single parents must be superheroes.
Anywho, it's nighttime now so he'll get a little fussy again, but all in all he's doing well, and for that I thank God.
*Footnote
I know two visits isn't much but neither Kelli or I are new to Group Health Associates. Essentially, we've always believed they're great pediatricians and terrible adult doctors. The first part of that has been totally reinforced the last two days.
Dr. Maloney and Dr. Wisenberger both went out of their way to make sure we called them to see how Jacob is doing and they didn't say to call or page in an emergency, they said to call either way, and more than once a day even. That kind of commitment is what a new parent needs and so far I highly recommend them for anyone in need of a pediatrician.
At 9 a.m. today we went to see Dr. Wisenberger at Group Health. (*See below) It was rainy. We were exhausted, emotionally and mentally drained, and quite honestly expecting a trip to Children's hospital when Dr. Wisenberger came in.
He looked him over and asked some questions and said the words we all wanted to hear.
"He's completely healthy."
We both nearly cried, I think.
He wasn't getting enough milk because he was, get this, too hungry to eat well. So we were told to pump some milk and use a bottle. We got him home and low and behold, it worked. He ate plenty. Later while I napped Kelli changed two dirty diapers and later as I assisted with a third, the little scamp peed all over the damn place. I think that's the happiest I'll ever be to see my child urinate on himself.
He's sleeping ok, he's less fussy, and he looks a little less jaundiced I think. We called the doctor back later and he said all seems well and the jaundice is normal. He doesn't think it needs treatment. We're calling him again tomorrow just to check in.
What else. Jacob met great Aunt Debby and great uncle Jerry today and cousins Billy and Sara with their children Patrick and our goddaughter Teresa. They brought some nice gifts and THANK GOD some coffee. I'm eating the lasagna Sara made right now...it is delicious. For lunch we had some pasta Aunt Cari brought over yesterday.
I'm finding that visitors are really a blessing. When someone comes over we get to play the role of proud parent, instead of just worried parent. When its just us, we (or at least I) over analyze every sound and face the little guy makes and get all worked up. The meals, prayers and good wishes from everyone have been a godsend.
Speaking of worked up, I think we're both pretty emotionally drained. After the doctor's appointment we both felt 50 pounds lighter and far less worried, but the last day or two was draining....well the whole four days of his life have been draining, but anyway. Kelli's been a saint, but naturally her hormones have given way to some tears. I've had a few too, if we're being honest.
I just had a weird memory resurface of my anxiety as a child. I remember learning relaxation techniques. Perhaps I'll try them tonight. The best thing I've really found for dealing with the stress however is prayer. When Kelli was in labor on Monday I prayed a rosary in the delivery room. Monday's are the joyful mysteries, which focus on Jesus conception through his being lost at the temple. Reflecting on those mysteries, I remember that even Mary, the Mother of God, must have been a terrible worried new mom at one point.
Sure she knew the kid was special given his conception and her message from the angel, but she also knew a sword would pierce her own soul too. She probably had trouble getting him to eat or sleep on schedule. She definitely worried when he ran off to the Temple. In art, Mary always looks serene and that serenity no doubt comes from her current place in heaven but she couldn't have looked serene with Jesus was sick, or fussy. Well maybe she could, but she's a saint and I'm not. Still it is nice to have the intercession of the Blessed Mother when dealing with a stressful infant. Last night when Jacob was awful fussy, I kneeled at his pack-n-play and with the help of a podcast prayed the rosary. He fell right asleep.
Another great comfort is Jacob's own mother. I love my wife more every time she picks Jacob up, or tells me to calm down, or hugs me as we look at him. Our marriage seems to be getting even stronger thanks to this little bundle of troubling joy and I thank God for that. Single parents must be superheroes.
Anywho, it's nighttime now so he'll get a little fussy again, but all in all he's doing well, and for that I thank God.
*Footnote
I know two visits isn't much but neither Kelli or I are new to Group Health Associates. Essentially, we've always believed they're great pediatricians and terrible adult doctors. The first part of that has been totally reinforced the last two days.
Dr. Maloney and Dr. Wisenberger both went out of their way to make sure we called them to see how Jacob is doing and they didn't say to call or page in an emergency, they said to call either way, and more than once a day even. That kind of commitment is what a new parent needs and so far I highly recommend them for anyone in need of a pediatrician.
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