Today, a year ago, changed my life for the better

"Its ok. It's going to be fine. Just remember to breathe."

A year ago today I kept repeating those words, but to be fair, I was saying them to myself, not to Kelli. In fact, she wasn't even in full-blown labor yet, but I had a hunch July 23 was going to be the day.

I don't remember everything from the day of Jacob's birth. I remember watching movies at home. I remember a long debate over whether it was time to go. I remember Kelli's face winching with contractions.

I loosely remember getting in the car. I remember the 39284754829 steps of the LONG walk from Christ Hospital's parking garage to the maternity ward, the early exam, lots of waiting, suddenly less waiting, then more waiting, epidural time, Kelli in no pain, then Kelli in lots of pain and then....

"Wahhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Louder than a Banshee and with more confused rage than I'd ever heard, a perfect little boy shouted his hello to the world. Around 6 a.m. Jacob was the alarm clock for the world that day and he's never stopped shouting. Anyone who has met my son knows that he wants you to know he's here. He won't let you forget, not that you could.

The little guy we'd once affectionately called "Baby Buttface" because he made his mommy not feel well was suddenly out and able to express his own displeasure with things. He was a pink and perfect and STRONG little person.

As soon as Jacob was out, even before his "Grand Hello," Kelli and I had a similar reaction. Something about that first sight of the boy led me to utter a guttural, primal sound I cannot recreate or explain clearly. It was a sigh, a laugh, a shout. Maybe it was part cry, part prayer. My conscious brain wasn't a part of that sound, but I felt it in my soul. I finally understood love at first sight.

The past year has been amazing, challenging and altogether just a big ol' bunch of WOW.

We took him home, fed him, changed him, loved him. He screamed and cried. We screamed and cried. He slept, we didn't. We slept, he didn't. We experienced the fear of his illnesses and trepidation of waiting for milestone.

Kelli and I spent hours in conversations like this.
Me: "I think he's swinging at nothing."
Kelli: "No, he's trying to grab Mr. Lion."
Me: "If anything he's reaching for Mr. Turtle. Pshaw....Mr. Lion."

Eventually his eyes focused on us, and I think he fell in love too. He rolled, he held his head. He sat.

He smiled, he cooed, he laughed, he crawled.

He's been a pumpkin, Yoda, Santa and and Elf.

He experienced his first falls, first foods, his first move to a new home.

Now he stands, talks, crawls at light speed and is thinking about walking. He cuddles and hugs us back. He says Daddy, duck, uh-oh, bottle, baby and doggy, all in his own Jacob dialect.

He can get into things you'd never imagine and still to this day if he doesn't think you're paying attention, you'll hear that Banshee cry until you give him what he demands.

Being a parent with Kelli has been such a wonderful adventure and we're excited to be doing it again. Today though is all about the baby who is becoming a little boy before our eyes.

I love you Jacob Michael Stegeman. Happy birthday little buddy. I can't wait to get home from work and give you and your mom a big hug and kiss.

Your whole family will be there to celebrate this weekend and let me let you in on a secret....You're going to LOVE cake.

Growing our family and happy about it

Though it is about the blurriest ultrasound I've ever see, the photo above is the first photo of the newest member of Kelli's and my family. That's right, as if any of you haven't heard our shouts of joy, Jacob is going to be a big brother.

It has been nearly a year since I posted on this blog and that was for Jacob's baptism. Since we made the announcement of Jacob's little brother or sister's existence (due Feb. 27), we've got a ton of support from our wonderful and loving family, as well as from most of our friends.

A few though, while not being rude about it, have seemed more concerned than elated for us. Friends, I understand where you are coming from. 

Yes, I work three jobs over the course of the year to pay bills.

Yes, Kelli babysits to help pay bills.

Yes, life is stressful with one small child.

Yes, it will be more stressful with two small children.

Yes, a house is expensive and so are student loans.

Yes, life is expensive and something always comes up to cost money.

But not one of those things listed above gives Kelli and I the slightest pause in choosing to celebrate with great joy the coming birth of our new child. Children are a gift from God. For every challenge Jacob has presented, he's been a tenfold blessing.
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Some more answers to common questions.

Was this pregnancy planned?
We don't plan pregnancies in this family the way some would describe things. God does. But since you asked, we did not attempt Natural Family Planning either. We were open to a child, and we got one.

Are you worried?
Only in the sense that taking on the responsibility for a new life is a daunting task. In that regard, I think all parents have a healthy sense of worry. But Kelli and I are a couple of hope, faith, and a surprising resiliency.

Are you excited?
You bet your butt! I have no idea who this little person inside Kelli will be. He or she could be another little Jacob with crazy energy. They could be a shy little one. They could be an athlete, they could have health issues. They could be anyone, but whoever they are, he or she is our child, and OF COURSE we're excited.

How will you make it?
We just will. We'll work harder. We'll work longer. I'll give up sleep or recreation. I'll pray and I'll toil and I'll hug and kiss my kids and wife and tell them I love them.
The idea that you need to be rich to properly care for kids is a myth. Kids don't need NIKEs and PS4s. They need food and clothes and love (not cheap, to be sure) and even a generation ago the middle and lower middle class managed to have 3-5 kids and still make due without assistance. Have a little faith in me. I'll provide for my family.
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Here's a long story. Skip to the last sentence for the point of it all.

Last night, Kelli, being pregnant, wasn't feeling well. With much to do in prep for Jacob's birthday party, I needed some help. Kelli's mom came over to watch Jacob so I could do yardwork.

In the course of yesterday, I broke a brand-new baby gate, dealt with my busiest day of the month at work, ran to the store to get Kelli some meds, mowed a lawn, weeded some flower beds, sprayed the yard and fixed the back stairs and lawn timbers.

Before Grandma arrived, I ate two cold hot dogs for dinner while holding a screaming Jacob.

While I was at it in the yard, despite a lawnmower and headphones, I could hear little Jacob screaming away inside with Grandma. See, the poor kid hasn't been feeling well and is getting over a virus.

In fact, he's been such a holy terror that I have resorted to deep breathing exercises more than once to help me deal with him.

BUT, then came bedtime. Still fussy, and going without Kelli who had retired early to bed, Jacob and I headed up for story time. We read the children's Bible account of John baptizing Jesus, played with his little yellow duck, and said our prayers.

Right before bed I gave my son a kiss on the cheek and a hug. He said. "Daddy" and hugged me back, laying his head on my shoulder.

And right there, in that one moment, Monday was a great day. 

Kids aren't granted to everyone, and that's ok. But for those of us blessed enough to be parents, the chaos, the crazy, the stress, the occasional feeling of hell, doesn't even begin to compare to those beautiful moments where it is all worth it.

Now here's something I'd like to prepare you all for.

We're not done, Lord willing. Kelli and I choose for moral reasons to not use contraception. While we reserve the right to observe her body's natural cycle for the purpose of spacing children (NFP), we are still young and extremely likely to have more kids. We are open to having them.

(Edit: While we believe ourselves to be in compliance with moral law on these matter, do not construe this as a judgement against those who make different choices. God is the judge of such things, not me.)

How many?

I don't know. I'd love to have 3, 4, 5 etc. But if God gives us 8, 10 or 20, our happy duty is to be their parents. A parent accepts their child with love.

I will continue to give of myself fully to my wife and family. Kelli does the same for me. We are blessed in so many ways and if God chooses to bless us with more children after "Stege-baby No. 2," skip back to the above questions.

Yes, we're excited.